


Song Fics

by silvi303



Category: Original Work, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Inspiration, M/M, Multi, Random - Freeform, Songfic, relationship as of latest chapter only
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 15:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13954260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvi303/pseuds/silvi303
Summary: "Silvi takes incentive from songs and transforms those lyrics into moving stories. They can have multiple purposes, travelling from encouragement to telling a tale of love. It's a collage of song-inspired stories, and song requests are open (but updates might be slow)!"- Nearmazi~Requests are openSongs done/doing (❤=done):Hall Of Fame by The Script ❤Tomorrow by BTS ❤Airplane by j-hope ❤Love Story- Melody by Miyuki Ishikawa ❤Secret Love Song by Little Mix ❤Let You Down by NF ❤Our Story by Mako





	1. You'll Make It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChaitanyaChinky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaitanyaChinky/gifts), [BtstrashNeha](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=BtstrashNeha), [nearmazi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nearmazi/gifts), [Jikookpls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jikookpls/gifts), [Michelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michelle/gifts).



**_[Hall of Fame AMV](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpdMvtP1HXM) _ **

**_(Watch the video if you can)_ **

**_Hall of Fame by The Script_ **

_italics= thoughts_

 

_**************************_

_“Who do you think you are?”_

_No, the real question is who do you think_ **_you are_ ** _._

_“You’re a nobody!”_

_Then_ **_what_ ** _does make you?_

_“Stop it already.”_

**_You_ ** _stop it._

_“Just quit while you can.”_

**_Make_ ** _me._

_“You’re just going to fail. Aren’t you afraid of that?”_

_No, you’re just afraid_ **_of_ ** _failing_ **_yourself._ **

_“Why bother trying? Just stop.”_

**_Never._ ** _Why should I_ **_give up_ ** _?_

_“You’ll never make it!”_

_You don’t_ **_know_ ** _that._

_“You’re too stupid.”_

_I’m not, you,_ **_yourself_ ** _think I am._

_“Dumb.”_

**_Don’t_ ** _say that._

_“Give up”_

_I’ll never_ **_give in_ ** _. I’ll_ **_keep trying._ **

_**************************_

“I’ll be honest, I am impressed with how well you all did on this first exam. Historically students make an average of 70 on the exam. But the grades this time were much higher. Overall everyone passed except for a couple of students. The majority of your grades were in the high 80’s or low 90’s with the median being 88 and out of a 100. For those who managed to make above an 80, I commend you, keep up the good work.” The professor said to her students before leaving the exams at the front for the students to pick up. 

The students all rushed to the front as soon as class ended to pick up their exam and see how they’d done. You waited near the back for the large group of students to clear out. As you watched your fellow classmates cheer over their scores, you grew more and more eager to see your own grade. You had worried about the exam and studied very hard, and when you’d taken it, you had been confident over your answers. All in all, you were expecting a good grade.

The mass of students finally cleared and you were among the last to look for their exam, finding it relatively quickly since there weren’t many exams left. Smiling to yourself you flipped the front page and a glaring red 62 staring at you. The smile immediately vanished from your face as you looked at the grade with wide eyes. Suddenly you weren’t feeling so well.

_****************************_

_“How long have you been working on that?”_

_A while, what’s it to_ **_you_ ** _?_

_“When will you give up? You really think working harder will help?”_

_Why do you_ **_keep_ ** _asking?_

_“You already failed, working more isn’t going to change anything. This is all a waste of time. You’ll never amount to anything.”_

_At least I’m trying. I’m_ **_doing_ ** _something._

_“You’re just too stupid. Only geniuses make it.”_

**_You_ ** _just need to stop being so negative._

_“Be realistic.”_

**_I am_ ** _._

_******************************_

“Y/N L/N?” The voice on the phone asks and you reply saying “this is she/he”

“Ah ok, well we are calling in regards to the application you sent us. We’d like to schedule an interview. What days and times would you be available next week?” The voice asks and you feel your heart pound in your chest. You’d actually managed to score an interview!

“I’m available anytime after 2.” You answer smiling from ear to ear.

“How about Monday at 3 then?” The voice asks.

“I’ll mark my calendar!” You reply fist bumping the air.

_******************************_

_“Wow, you actually made it this far?”_

_Of course, I was_ **_rooting for_ ** _myself._

_“It’s going to be funny when you fail since you’ve made it this far.”_

_I won’t fail._ **_You_ ** _can’t make me._

_“Even after you fail will you keep trying?”_

**_Yes._ **

_“Why?”_

**_You’ll make it_ ** _if you try hard enough._

_“Tryhard.”_

**_Nothing_ ** _wrong with that._

_**********************_

You look at the four-story building feeling you chest constrict. People enter and leave through the door without once glancing your way. No one is paying attention as you take in your surroundings.

“Are you ready?” Ailee asks coming up beside you and smiling.

“Yea. Let’s do this.” You nod and smile as well.

“Lead the way,” Ailee says opening the door for you. You mentally prepare yourself one last time and then with a deep breath walk through the doors, ready for what is to come.

“Good morning. My name is Kevin Jones. Are you Ailee Kim and Y/N L/N?” A tall black haired male asks.

“Yea, I’m Ailee.” Ailee answers and shakes his hand.

“Yes. Y/N would be me.” You answer after her and also reach out to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to finally meet you two.” Mr. Jones says and you nod saying likewise.

“Let me show you two around. Follow me.”

You both follow him around and when the tour is concluded you are sent to your workstation to begin your first day at work for the internship.

_************************_

_“You’re going to mess up soon.”_

_No, I won’t._

_“Oh, a sudden confidence boost? What happened to college you who cried after failing their first exam?”_

_You’ve got to learn from failure._

_“Sure. Whatever. I’m just waiting for your luck to run out.”_

_This wasn’t all luck._

_“Keep telling yourself that.”_

_***************************_

You are called into the bosses office after only a month of working at the internship. You fear you’ve messed up and are now going to be let go.

“Y/N L/N?” The woman asks

“Yes, it’s nice to meet you, ma’am.” You answer.

“Likewise. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She says.

“All good things I hope?” You say with a nervous smile and she lets out a chuckle and nods.

“So, I’ve heard you developed a new technique while studying? I wanted to learn about it, how did you come up with it?” She asks.

You nod and begin explaining, going through your thought process and the procedure.

_*************************_

_“Ok, I was wrong.”_

**_Can_ ** _you repeat that?_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_Of course, you are, good thing I_ **_stand_ ** _up for myself._

_“I’m proud of you.”_

_Thanks._ **_In your_ ** _own_ **_way,_ ** _you helped me._

_“I helped?”_

_Yes. To_ **_let_ ** _you know, you’re_ **_negativity_ ** _could be a downer, but it did_ **_push_ ** _me along._

_“Oh.”_

_In the end,_ **_you_ ** _made me want to_ **_prove them wrong._ **

_“Them?”_

_You. Myself. My thoughts. My own thoughts which were against me. I wanted to prove them wrong. I am good enough. I am a genius in my own way. I could do it._ **_You can do it._ **

**_****************************_ **

“That is impressive. Thank you for showing me. Now on to what I really called you in for. I wanted to offer you a position here as soon as your done with your residency.”

Your eyes widen in disbelief. The woman didn’t even know you and she was willing to offer something like this?

“Would you like to?” She asks smiling and you nod eagerly.

_**************************_

_“You finally made it.”_

_I did._

_“I’m glad you stood up to me.”_

_Me too. Who’d have thought I would need to defend myself from myself._

_“You’re not the only one I bet”_

_Yea, probably not._

_**************************_

Your residency finished and you were an official doctor for the world-renowned hospital. Many of the people in the field knew about you. You were known for your work and everyone acknowledged you. You had done it. You achieved your goals. You’d fought your inner demons, your own thoughts which constantly led you to doubt yourself. You stood up to yourself and everyone else who told you that you wouldn’t make it. You dedicated yourself fully and gave it your all, putting in 110% when you needed to. And thanks to all that you made it, you now found yourself standing in the hall of fame.

 

_A/N: Go back and read all the bold words in order and you’ll find a message._

 

_P.S: sorry if it's confusing_


	2. Hope for Tomorrow

**_Hope for Tomorrow_ **

[Tomorrow by BTS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLkWX8GgM-s) (watch it if you want)

For [@ChaitanyaChinky](https://www.wattpad.com/user/ChaitanyaChinky) (she writes wonderful stories, check her out if you have time :) )

 

_ italics= thoughts _

You looked out at the horizon from the rooftop of your apartment building. You watched the sun steadily sink lower and lower in the sky, watched as the light receded and the darkness came forth. You saw the battle waging on, as the darkness fought its way forward and pushed the light further and further back. You noticed people rushing inside intent on staying out of the dark. Tonight there was no pale light from the moon, only storm clouds brewing and rumbling, threatening to burst and flood the world.

You shivered as the chilly wind blew through your light sweater and seeped into your skin. The sky rumbled again, a warning to go inside. Still, you stayed and waited. What you waited for you didn’t even know. What compelled you to keep your feet in place and continue watching the sun disappear was beyond you. You just knew you couldn’t leave yet. 

Soon the sun was completely gone. The dark had won and was now covering every inch and corner of your small town. The rumbling had stopped overhead but one glance up and you would know it was because it was time for them to unleash their wrath. The first drops of icy cold water hit your skin one at a time. A small downpour that seemed harmless. But within minutes that changed as drop, after drop, after drop, began hitting you. Your sweater didn’t last long, becoming easily soaked in water. Your hair began to become plastered to your face. The cold got to you and you began to shiver more violently. Still, you stayed. 

Minutes passed by and you stayed frozen staring down at the world. The wet asphalt, the leaves swaying slightly in the breeze, the few stray cats, and dogs seeking shelter under shop canopies. You watched everything play out as if in a trance, one you’d willingly subjected yourself too.

“Y/N?” A soft melodious voice called out to you, and soon the drip of water against skin could no longer be felt. You glanced up at the bright yellow umbrella which was above you for a second then shifted your gaze back to the streets, saying nothing. Waiting, always waiting.

“You’re going to catch a cold if you stay out here like this.” The voice warned.

“I don’t want to go inside.” You answered. Your friend sighed and was silent for a moment, then you felt a warm hand on your shoulder.

“I know its hard Y/N… but you’ll get through this.” The voice whispered trying to comfort you.

“Will I?” You asked.

“Yes.” They answered.

You turned to face your companion with tired eyes. “You’re wrong. Just like the darkness overtaking the light every night, I’ll always fail.” You responded and then walked away towards the door, not giving them a chance to reply. 

_ ************************** _

Grabbing a towel you peeled yourself out of your wet clothes discarding them into the laundry basket. You dry yourself with the towel removing all the water from your skin and in your hair. Still, the cold lingers and you shiver. The cold has set into your bones and you almost feel like you’ll never be warm again. You grab a pair of pajamas and put them on allowing yourself some warmth, though not nearly enough.

You walk to the edge of your bed and pull back the covers before slipping in and laying on your back. You stare at the ceiling thinking. The rain is pounding against your windowpane,  a steady rhythm meant to keep people indoors. Some would consider it comforting, but not you. Not now anyway. All the rain was doing is amplifying your thoughts, drowning you in them. 

_ You’re never going to make it. You’re going to fail just like you did today. Can you believe how badly you messed up that interview? You’re a weakling. No one’s going to hire you. You’re going to end up on the streets. No one’s going to help you. They’re all going to abandon you. It was stupid of you to think you could be anything you wanted to as a kid. See where that thinking got you? You’re a jobless young adult who can’t do anything right. _

Your thoughts continue to plague you throughout the night. You keep thinking about where it had all gone wrong. Where you’d messed it all up. You knew your thoughts were right. You really were a failure. You replayed every mishap and mistake you’d ever made in your mind until your eyes finally gave up on you and closed of their own accord and eventually you stopped thinking and fell asleep.

_ ************************** _

“Y/N?” A voice called out to you slowly rousing you from your sleep. You hummed in reply. You could feel someone shaking you but you just wanted to continue sleeping. After all, sleeping was better than being awake. It was an escape from reality, a reality you didn’t want to be a part of right now.

“Come on Y/N please wake up. I need to show you something.” The voice said as they continued to insistently shake you. 

“Fine” You grumbled forcing yourself to wake up and look at them.

They smiled down at you and then motioned for you to get up and follow them. Unwillingly you got up and followed them out of your room and out of the apartment. They went up a flight of stairs heading for the rooftop. Groaning you also went up and out onto the rooftop. It was still dark outside but the rain had thankfully stopped.

“What are we doing out here?” You asked as you stood beside your friend by the railing overlooking the city.

“We’re waiting.” They answered.

“For what?” You asked finding irony in the answer. You were waiting yet again. Always waiting it seemed.

“You’ll see.” They answered and you fell silent wishing you could go back to the comfort of your bed. What was the point of being outside in this cold?

“Y/N?” Your friend called out to you, gaining your attention again.

“What?” You asked irritated.

“You will make it.” They responded continuing the conversation from yesterday and causing you to shake your head.

“No, I won’t. That was the seventh interview I had. The seventh one I was rejected from.” You replied. 

“I know… but don’t give up.” They responded looking at you in the eyes, silently encouraging you on.

“Why shouldn’t I? I keep failing. What’s the point in all this? I keep repeating the same steps every single day. I keep waking up hoping I’ll make it. I keep applying for jobs. I keep getting some interviews. I go to those interviews and then just when I think I’ll get the job, I fail. And I know the pattern but I still keep doing it. I keep repeating the process day in and day out.” You rant feeling hopeless and fed up with the repeating cycle.

“Y/N I know it’s hard now. But you’ll get a job soon. You’ll put that degree that you worked so hard on to use. You’ll get there and you’ll look back at this moment and realize it was all worth it. You’re just having a tough time right now, but don’t think of this as a failure. No, think of it as a break.”

“A break?”

“Yes. You’re stuck right now because you’re taking a break. But soon you’ll get back on your feet and you’ll push through. I know you will.” 

“How?”

“Because I know you.” Your friend answered smiling ever so softly at you. You stared back at them wondering how they had so much faith in you.

“Oh look!” Your friend exclaimed pointing towards the skyline. You turned around to see. You looked at the horizon where the sun was just beginning to peak out from behind the tall city buildings. You watched as the bright rays of light began to chase away the darkness that had engulfed the city overnight. You watched the steady battle between light and dark and inch by inch saw the light overpower and win, and then you realized what your friend was trying to show you.

Every day was a new day. Every dawn was a new battle. And just like the sun would battle the darkness, you needed to battle your problems. You couldn’t let them overcome you because there was always hope for tomorrow. The darkness might win every night, but every morning the light would return and fight back, and you too could do the same.

“Thank you.” You whispered to your friend.

“You’re welcome Y/N. Don’t ever give up. This is just a break, and we’ll get through it. We just need to hope for a better tomorrow, and surely one day it will come.” Your friend said and you agreed. 

They were right, you couldn't give up and you wouldn't. You'd been striving for your goals for so long, you couldn't let a few failures knock you down. You had to hope and pray for a better tomorrow. After all, you had done so much and achieved so much, there was no way you'd fail as long as you didn't give up. No one knew what tomorrow would bring so with each new dawn things could turn out different, and that's why you could never give up. 


	3. Fly High

[Airplane by J Hope](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8O_MwlZ2dEg) (watch if you want)

For [BtstrashNeha](https://www.wattpad.com/user/BtstrashNeha)

 

You looked up at the sky where you could see a trail of white following the movement of the airplane that was soaring across the clear blue sky. You followed the airplane’s movement until it became no more than a spec and then completely disappeared from your vision only leaving the trail of smoke in its wake as evidence of its humble ascent into the atmosphere. Sighing you looked back at the chips of wood beneath your shoes that covered the playground. Swaying slightly in the swing, you kicked at the ground wondering when your mom would come to pick you up.

All your friends had already left, so it was just you waiting to be picked up after soccer practice. You hated being alone but you also knew your mom was trying her best to pick you up on time. She’d always apologize when she was late and you had gotten used to her being late. You couldn’t really blame her anyway; she worked so hard just for you. Both your parents did. Your dad worked day in and day out, working himself to the bone to make sure your family had enough to get their basic necessities and your mom worked so she could help out and buy you nice things every once in a while. They both did everything and would do anything for you, you knew this, but sometimes you couldn’t help but wish they could stop working and spend some time with you instead.

You pulled out your phone and looked at the time. It was already five in the afternoon, this was the latest your mom had ever been. You hoped she was ok and nothing bad had happened. You opened your phone wondering if maybe you should call her, but you didn’t want her to answer the phone while she was driving. You decided to wait a bit longer before calling her, maybe she’d call you instead.

A few minutes later you received a phone call, and not from your mom.

_**************************_

“We’re sorry, it was a terrible accident. We don’t know if she’ll wake up,” The doctor said.

You stared at your mother who was lying on the hospital bed tubes running from each arm and machines providing a steady hum of noise. Your father was by her side crying silently as he gazed upon her beautiful yet tired features. You just stood by emotionlessly. You couldn’t move, you felt like your chest was being compressed and that it was hard to breathe. Looking at your mother like this… it was unbearable. You couldn’t take it. You rushed out of the room and down the hallway rushing to the stairs not caring about the people you bumped into on the way. You ran the flight of stairs to the rooftop and slammed the door closed behind you. You screamed at the sky as tears began streaming down your face.

Why was life so cruel to you? Your mother was a kind-hearted woman who loved you and your father to bits. She believed in a fair and just world, she believed hard work was the key to success, and she always went out of her way to be a source of comfort for others. With so much good in her, why was she the one to get hurt?! Why did she have to be the victim of someone else’s mistake? It wasn’t fair. Nothing ever was, not with you.

You felt someone lightly touch your shoulder and turn you around. You ended up in your father’s embrace as he held you tightly and let you cry on his shoulder. He made promises that your mom would be ok that things would get better. All you could do was listen and cry, wondering if any of what he was saying was true.  

Through your blurry vision, you saw another airplane soaring into the sky.

_**************************_

Your mother did end up waking up much to your relief. But things weren’t the same. She could no longer walk and had suffered from brain damage which limited her upper body movements and made her seem like a vegetable rather than a living person. With your mother in this state, she needed more attention and help just to go on living. She couldn’t be left alone for long since there was always the risk of some sort of an accident happening. The best course of action was getting a life in nurse to take care of her. Your father got one but it was a lot of money and with her no longer being able to work, your family was struggling even more than before. Your father picked up more hours at work to make ends meet. You hardly ever saw him at home anymore. You wanted to help out but your dad insisted you focus on school bringing up your mother to guilt you into listening.

The person who was responsible for his mother’s state was a rich businessman and so instead of admitting guilt he had decided to try and pin the blame on your mom so he wouldn’t have to reimburse your family. Your father wouldn’t be able to afford a lawyer or win a court case against the man, so instead of trying to get justice for his wife, he let things be. It angered you that anyone could be so low but there was little your family could do against a person with so much influence.

_**************************_

Years went by and things only got harder. Your father got sick from all the work he was doing without much rest. It pained your heart to hear him push himself even though he was sick just because he needed to make sure the expenses were paid. After another extensive argument with your father about quitting school, you ran out of the house. As much as you insisted you could get a job and help out, your father continued to insist you stay in school.

You ran down the familiar streets straight towards the setting sun. Your thoughts clouding your head and making it pound badly. You were tired of seeing your father carrying the burden of taking care of your mother and you by himself. You were tired of seeing your mom in that vegetable state and knowing she probably would never get better. You were tired of constantly seeing that man who caused your mom’s injuries roam free enjoying his life. You were tired of everything and you were bursting at the seams wishing that things would just get better!

As you ran feeling yourself burning with anger and hate you spotted another airplane crossing the sky. This time you ran after it wishing you could fly as high as it could. Just leave the earth behind even if it was only for a little while.

_**************************_

You were afraid. The toll from all the work your father had been doing over the years had caught up with him and he collapsed. It was the day before your scores on your college entrance exams would be announced. You had been at home taking care of your mother when you got the call from your father’s workplace letting you know he was in the hospital. In a panic, you asked your neighbor to watch your mother as you ran to the hospital as fast as you could.

Once at the hospital you stuttered out your father’s name worry gripping at you and making your thoughts scramble all over the place. You couldn’t lose your father too. He was all you had left.

The nurse took you to his room where you saw him sleeping. The scene oddly reminiscent of when your mother had been in that accident. You felt your eyes water but only cried out of relief when the doctor informed you your father would be fine after resting. You stayed by his side, holding his hand, hoping he’d wake soon. Tomorrow you would get a job, you couldn’t possibly let your father continue on like this. You would force him to take time off and you’d support your family instead. You looked out the window at the cloudy skies overhead silently, there wasn’t an airplane in sight today.

_**************************_

“Y/N L/N” The crowd cheered as you walked up the stage to get your diploma, a smile decorating your face. You shook the Dean’s hand, the Dean looked at you with a fond smile as he nodded to you. You smiled back and then faced the crowd, you found your father sitting in the front row with a proud smile on his face. Next to him was your mother in her wheelchair, she was smiling to looking just as proud. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of happiness wash over you seeing them there. You were ever so grateful that medicine had advanced so far and found a way to help your mother. She probably would still never walk but at least she wasn’t a vegetable anymore. You walked down the stairs and went to them hugging your father tightly while he congratulated you.

After the ceremony, you all went out to eat and celebrate before he began your new job tomorrow morning.

_**************************_

You entered the law office with a grin. You greeted the lady at the front and then walked into your personal office. You sat down in the leather chair and relaxed against it taking a moment to allow the feeling of accomplishment to sink in. You never expected to find yourself in this position, you never thought it was possible. But you had done it with a little help from people who had kind hearts.

You felt extremely blessed to have met the Dean of your school back then. If she hadn’t called you for an interview after the college admission exam scores had been posted, you wouldn’t be here. You had only gone to tell her you wouldn’t be joining her university next year but had ended up telling her your life story. She had listened and she had extended her hand offering you help. Help you’d desperately needed at the time. You were thankful for the full-ride scholarship you received as well as the job with flexible hours which enabled you to study and help your father out.

Taking a deep breath you sat up straight and got to work, you had many things to do now that you were a lawyer.

_**************************_

“Would you like some refreshment sir/madam?” The air hostess asked you. You smiled and asked for a bottle of water. She nodded and left going to get the requested beverage.

You looked back at the tabloids that talked about the fall of a great businessman, the same one who had caused your mother’s accident. You smiled thinking about how you had ruined him in court and the look of disbelief on his face when he ended up recognizing you. It satisfied you to see he had got what was coming to him. You hadn’t set out for revenge, no karma had simply done its work, and that pleased you even more.

“Here is your drink sir/madam,” The air hostess said once she’d returned. You took the bottle of water and thanked her before opening it and taking a sip. You looked out the window and only saw clouds all around you. It felt nice to be in an airplane, high above the ground. It reminded you of all the times you’d seen one in your life and how much you’d wanted to fly. Now you were flying and it was in more ways than one. Your humble beginnings led you to this point and many people knew about it, admiring you and aspiring to be like you. You welcomed the admiration hoping to forever be an inspiration to others.


	4. Were We Meant to Be?

[Love Story by Miyuki Ishikawa](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPaS_Qm5D3s) (the song this one is based on)

 

For [@nearmazi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nearmazi/pseuds/nearmazi) (They are amazing and write a bunch of cool bts fics! Check them out!)

Y/N: Your Name  
C/N: Crush Name  
 _Italics_ _:_ _past_

    “Y/N, you ready?” your manager asked as you took in a shaky breath and nodded your head. You straightened out your posture and faced the double doors with a steel determination glinting in your eyes. You could do this. You had to do this, it was the only way you’d ever be free of your past that’s kept you down for years.

    With one final smile, your manager pushes you forward and onto the stage. You smile a peaceful smile as you walk towards the center of the stage where the host was waiting for you. “And here comes our surprise guest now!” the host said as they turned to look at you while the crowd cheered. As soon as they saw you, their eyes widened and a look of surprise overtook their face. You looked straight at them with a confident smile though inside your heart was pounding. It really had been too long since you last saw C/N.

     _“I never loved you Y/N,” C/N said._

_“Y-you don’t m-mean that,” you whisper, your voice shaking._

_“No, I do mean it. I never liked much less loved you Y/N. You were just a means to an end,” C/N went on._

_“T-there’s no w-way… W-what about e-everything w-we’ve be-been through?”_

_“It was all meaningless.”_

_“No… you… You couldn’t have faked it all!”_

_“Of course I did. You’re really easy to fool,” C/N said while scoffing._

_You shook your head still denying it, “You… you’re only saying this because I yelled at you… Y-you don’t mean it… I-I’m so sorry.”_

_“Let’s not drag this out Y/N. You can’t honestly tell me you really thought I loved you?” C/N responded with a sigh, a faraway look in their eyes._

_You couldn’t believe your ears, you couldn’t accept their words. It wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. They couldn’t possibly mean it, but you knew, deep down, you knew. You knew this was real, you’d known for a while that they weren’t being sincere; you’d felt it. You’d felt them drawing away from you, you’d felt the distance for some time, you’d just refused to accept it. You were content living an illusion and remaining blind. You’d readily accepted every sweet word, every kind gesture, every thoughtful action. You wanted them to be real and so you let yourself believe they were, though you knew deep down… they weren’t. Things had changed, been changing for a whole month._

_“Now if we’re done here, I’ve a train to catch,” C/N said and without another word, they turned around and walked away._

_You stared at C/N’s back as they walked away, tears streaming down your face. You didn’t want to believe it. You had been so blinded by love, you couldn’t believe it. The last words exchanged between the two of you were words you never wanted to hear from the other. Words of hate, words that shattered your heart, words that made you ache and hurt in the worst ways imaginable. Whoever said words can’t hurt you was probably never in love._

    “Y/N,” C/N whispered as if in a trance. You simply walked past them and waved towards the crowd, ignoring their very presence for the time being. You addressed the cheering fans.

    “How is everyone tonight?!” you yelled out at the crowd and heard a source of goods and okays float through the air.

    “I’m glad! I’m honored to be here tonight and I’m honored to see all of you!” you said with a huge smile as you made your signature pose and sent finger hearts towards the crowd. In that time C/N got their bearings and began doing their job.

    “Oh wow, who would have thought we’d have the honor of having Y/N join us tonight! It’s my pleasure to meet you, Y/N! Please have a seat and we can start this interview,” C/N said as they gestured towards the seats on stage.

    “Thank you,” you said as you gracefully sat down and got comfortable. As soon as you were seated and ready, you looked up and into C/N’s eyes once again, your own eyes unblinking and daring, as if you were challenging C/N.

     _A month after C/N left, you watched the screen of the TV in contempt as you witnessed C/N going on stage, the audience screaming and clapping without pause as C/N smiled at them all while waving at the cameras. That smile… it still tore you apart every time you witnessed it on TV. It was the smile you’d always thought was reserved just for you, but now you knew it for what it really was. It was a smile full of lies… of deceit. As you watched them talk and host their show, you could only reminisce about the times they’d spoken such soft and sweet words to you, words that touched your heart and made it flutter. Words that made you want to believe that you were meant to be. But you know it’s not so. And now all these memories did was cause you pain. They ignited hatred and anger, and you just wanted to forget everything about C/N. But you couldn’t because despite all the lies, pain, and betrayals… you were sadly still in love._

    “So, I’m sure the crowd here would like to know, what was the inspiration behind your latest hit song? Love Story?” C/N asked, a slight tremor in their voice as they began asking you questions.

    “Ah, I was sure this question would come up today, but I had no idea it would be the first one!” you said as you giggled sweetly while looking towards the crowd to answer.

    “It’s actually a kind of personal song. For me, Love Story is about my first love,” you said as you let out a sad sigh to indicate things hadn’t gone well.

    “Since the beat of the music is sad and even the lyrics, I’m guessing it didn’t turn out well?” C/N asked looking up from the questions they had written, their own eyes showing something akin to… sadness.

    You shook your head, “It was a painful love mostly because it was unrequited. I had created this delusion in my head that we were meant to be… but I guess we weren’t… I made this song because I was looking back on my past while writing this album. Every song in this album is a tribute to all the things in the past that pushed me and brought me to this point in my life.”

    “Even Love Story? How did this first love push you to this point?”

    “Yes. Love Story is one of them which speaks of my first love and the twist of fate that made me fall for him/her when deep down I knew it was doomed. It was something that shouldn't have ever began in the first place.”

    “Why do you say that?” C/N asked. They were clearly no longer following the scripted questions.

    “Well it ended in tragedy for me," you answered as you stared right at C/N, your words meant for them.

    “Do you regret falling in love with him/her?”

    “I should regret it... I should curse the day we met… I should probably even curse him/her. But… I can’t. I’m sure you’ve picked up on the lyrics and how they are filled with sorrowful regret but there is still the semblance of underlying love still there. It’s there because I intentionally put it there.”

    “Why?”

    “Because even now I think I’ll always love him/her. They caused me a lot of pain, but even now I wish I could hear their voice.”

    “I see… Maybe someday they’ll return to you, realize the mistake they made so long ago,” C/N said and you shrugged but you knew it wouldn’t happen. After all the promise of forever was broken that day at the train station, proving the events of only a month before or nothing more than more lies and deceit.

   _A month before C/N had left, they’d said, “I’ll always love you, Y/N,” as they held you tight. You were upset that they’d be leaving in a month, but at the same time how could you be when they were pursuing their dream. You wanted to be supportive more than anything and so you didn’t say anything about how upset you were that they were leaving._

_“And I’ll always love you C/N,” you said hugging them back just as tightly._

_“You’ll keep in contact even after you go, right?” you asked._

_“Of course,” they answered._

_At that time their words had felt so real. Everything was so believable and genuine. How were you supposed to accept it that only a month later it wouldn’t be the same, that the two of you would no longer be together?_

    After the interview was over and the two of you had left the stage, your manager met you backstage and congratulated you on an interview well done. Smiling, you thanked her. She then told you to wait there while she left to see if your transportation had arrived. While waiting, C/N approached you.

    “Y/N?” they called out to you. You wanted to ignore them because this was supposed to have helped you get over them… But while on stage you'd realized you still weren't over them. Still, you wanted to be the better person, so you could no longer be petty. As such you turned and looked them with a questioning glance.

    “U-um… How have you been? I-it's been a while since we last saw each other,” C/N said nervously.

    “Yea it has. I've been good and you?” you asked trying to stay polite.

    “I've been well… Um…” They hesitated to say more and you could tell they were struggling to say what they wanted to.

    “Did you want to say something?” you asked prompting them to continue.

    “I… D-did you mean what you said on stage?”

    “Which part?”

    “That you still love me,” C/N responded sounding a tad hopeful.

    You sighed before looking away, kind of regretting to having said that now. “Even if it was true, what does it matter?” you asked.

    “It matters,” they replied.

    “How?” you demanded to know.

    “Because I feel the same,” they replied looking completely serious.

    You were silent for a moment waiting for them to take back their words. When they didn't, you scoffed. “You expect me to believe that after we've been apart for five years? Five years with no contact, five years of me suffering from a broken heart, five years of thinking everything between us was a lie and that you actually hated me! You left saying I meant nothing to you! I was a means to an end!” You said loudly, feeling all the feelings inside you implode at their daring confession.

    C/N remained silent and just listened to you rant. They were looking at the ground but you could see the regret on their face. After finishing your little spiel, they spoke up.

    “I regret that day, Y/N. I broke both your heart as well as my own. I was dumb and made a bad decision. None of what I said that day was true, I only made it sound true and acted like I hated you because I forced myself to play a character for a whole month. That's the only way I've ever been able to lie to you convincingly,” C/N said.

    “E-even so, it doesn't change anything… It's too late for such confessions.”

    “Please… Please don't say that. I know you've been hurting but so have I.”

    “Doesn't seem like it. You're living your dream after all, what more could you have wanted in life.”

    “It was a mistake to pursue this without you by my side. I haven't enjoyed it as much as I thought I would,” C/N admitted.

    You were about to say something but your manager came back to say it was time to go. Seeing her, you wiped the few tears that had slipped from your eyes and turned around. “I have to go. I-it was nice seeing you again,” You said.

    “Wait!” C/N said as they grabbed your hand. You turned to look back at them with a glare. They didn't back down as they slipped a folded up paper into your palm.

    “I know you have conflicting feelings about me… But please read this and… And if you decide you want nothing to do with me, I… I'll understand,” C/N said looking at you pleadingly. You looked at the folded paper and put it in your pocket. Then walked towards your manager without another word to C/N.

     _“If I tell you I don't love you someday, would you believe me?” C/N asked._

_“No. You're completely whipped for me,” you answered giggling sweetly while looking at C/N happily._

_“What if I played a character? Then I'd be super convincing.”_

_“Hmm, I would still doubt it even then,” you answered with a hum._

_“Good, because you'd be right to doubt me. I love you too much to ever say that and mean it,” C/N whispered while pulling you close for a kiss._

_“By the way, I have some exciting news,” C/N continued after the kiss._

_“Hmm, what is it?” you asked curiously._

_“I got accepted to the talent agency I applied too,” C/N said._

_“You mean it?” You asked wide-eyed. When they nodded you squealed and congratulated them._

_“I'm excited. I'm going through a training period for a month, but then after that, I’ll get to be an apprentice on a few shows. If those go well I might get my own gig! But the whole thing might take a few months they said, and I might even fail along the way...” C/N went on to elaborate._

_“I believe in you, you can do it,” you said in support._

    Remembering that conversation on the ride home made you question if maybe… just maybe you two could start over? Once you were in your apartment, leaning against the front door, you sighed. You reached into your pocket and pulled out the paper. Carefully you unfolded it to find it was a letter. You began reading it and when you finished you were conflicted. The letter gave you hope but there was still five years of pain sitting in your heart. You didn't know what to do. You looked at the number scribbled at the bottom and took a deep breath before pulling out your phone. You decided to give C/N a call. If they answered you would give it a chance but if not, that would be the end of it. And with that in mind, you pressed dial, hoping for the best.


	5. Choose Me... Please (Jikook)

**_Choose Me... Please_ **

[Secret Love Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgy7vEje5-w) (Watch it if you want)

For [Jikookpls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jikookpls/pseuds/Jikookpls)

 

Jungkook watched as Jimin made his way across the dancefloor with another man. He watched as Jimin smiled and talked to the man before him, his whole demeanor serene and sweet. It pained his heart to watch this, to see Jimin with someone who wasn't him. But what can he do? It wasn't up to him to announce to the whole world what they meant to each other. No, if he did that, Jimin would leave him for sure, and that would be a more painful blow then anything he had to endure right now.

The song came to an end and Jimin finally pulled away from his partner to make his way over to the punch table. Jungkook watched and then made his way over just as a new song began playing. Once he was in front of the elder he smiled at the shorter male and held out his hand. "Can I have the next dance?" he asked sweetly knowing Jimin wouldn't refuse him, even if it was technically not a good idea for him to dance with Jungkook.

"Of course," Jimin answered with a small smile as he took a hold of Jungkook's hand and the two made their way back into the crowd of dancing bodies. Jungkook placed his hands on Jimin's narrow waist and began leading the dance. The two swayed on the dancefloor looking intently into each other's eyes. Not a word was spoken between them, and yet a whole conversation was being held between their eyes.

Jungkook wanted ever so badly to lean down and leave a quick kiss on Jimin's supple lips, but he had to remind himself that those lips weren't his... at least not in public. Behind closed doors was another matter. Still, he wished it could be like that. That he could kiss Jimin whenever he wanted, could hold his small hand in his own big one while walking side by side, wished he could spoil Jimin and give him everything good in life. But it wasn't like that. He wasn't allowed to do any of those things. He wasn't allowed to have Jimin with the whole world knowing. Jimin was a secret, their love was a secret... and Jungkook was afraid it would always be like that, no matter how much he wished it wasn't.

Even if the two of them knew they were meant for each other, even if they knew they were perfect together, even though they completed one another in a way no one else could, it didn't matter. Because in the end they still couldn't be together. Jimin wasn't meant for Jungkook, he was already promised to someone else.

Sometimes Jungkook wondered if he should convince Jimin to leave his wealth behind and run away with him. He wondered if he promised Jimin forever, would Jimin agree and start a lovely life together. He knew he'd give Jimin the world, he'd leave his own life behind for a future with Jimin, but he doubted Jimin would do the same for him. Jimin was someone who always played it safe, so why would he risk everything for Jungkook? The answer to that question often scared him because he was afraid the answer was he wouldn't, and that's what kept Jungkook from pushing.

"How have you been Jungkook?" Jimin suddenly asked, breaking the silence as Jungkook twirled him around.

"I've been well... And you?" Jungkook asked back as he once again had Jimin face him and the two continued to sway to the classical music.

"I've been good.... But I'd be even better if I got to see you more often. You've been away too long."

"It's only been three days since we last saw each other."

"Three days too long. I really missed you."

"Did you?" Jungkook questioned with a teasing lilt to his voice.

"Of course I did, you know that," Jimin responded, eyes boring into Jungkook's own.

"I do... I missed you too," Jungkook replied leaning a little closer. Jimin made no move to push him away just yet.

"Should we meet up tonight? I can sneak out of the house to meet you at our usual spot," Jimin offered.

"... I don't know if that's a good idea. After all, this is your official engagement party tonight isn't it?"

"It is... But who cares?"

A good question, Jungkook thought, feeling his stomach turn, because he cared. He was also sure Jimin's future husband would care even if they didn't seem close yet. After all, the two had been engaged since birth.

"I'm sure your future husband would care," Jungkook finally retorted.

"Hmm, I doubt that. He doesn't even know me," Jimin responded.

"Not yet. But you're officially engaged, so he will," Jungkook said.

"Why are you talking about him? Don't you want to talk about us? Don't you want me?" Jimin questioned with a pout on his adorable face.

If only you knew how much I want you, Jungkook thought to himself as he stared at Jimin intently. What he'd give for Jimin to be his forever if only the elder knew. "If you're sure you can sneak away, I'll be waiting for you," Jungkook promised as their little dance came to an end.

* * * *

Jungkook waited in the abandoned warehouse by the Han river for Jimin to come. It was way past midnight, being only a quarter till 1. The engagement party had ended over two hours ago and Jungkook hadn't changed from his formal attire having chosen to go straight to their spot and wait for his secret lover. He wondered if maybe Jimin wasn't going to come, after all, maybe he'd completely forgotten or got held up by his fiancé.

Thinking about Jimin's fiancé made Jungkook sad. He wished it were him, he wished he was the one the elder's parents had decided to engage Jimin to, but he knew he was the last choice for them. Jimin's parents and his own had been at odds for years, barely tolerating each other simply because they were both top companies in all of Korea and partnership between them was better than the competition.

Sighing and shaking his head to stop thinking about how things could have been different, Jungkook looked down at his wristwatch. Five minutes had passed and still, there was no sign of Jimin. He pulled out his phone and was disappointed to see no messages. Couldn't the elder have at least sent a text to let him know if he was coming soon or not? Jungkook continued to wait while staring out at the river, watching the current move it along. It was dark, but the city lights beyond the river were beautiful.

The lovely red, green, blue, and yellow hues that the bustling city gave off a feeling that made Jungkook appear small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It was watching the city on nights like these that he realized how interconnected yet distant everything was. Everyone who lived in the city had their own lives, own plans for the future, own problems. They had relationships with one another and cared about certain groups of people, making them close. Yet at the same time, no one in the city could possibly know everyone else, much less care for them all, and that is where the distance lied. Something as simple as a city was so intricate and hard to understand. So how could he expect life to be any different? Life was also bound to appear simple but be a complicated mess when analyzed, much like his life felt at that moment.

"Kookie?" Jimin's voice called out from a little over a yard away. Jungkook turned his head and spotted Jimin coming up the hill to the warehouse. The low lighting of the streetlights illuminated him enough for Jungkook's breath to catch in his throat like it always did when he first saw Jimin at any given time. Jimin had changed from his extravagant outfit which he'd worn for the party and was now wearing a white t-shirt (which Jungkook suspiciously thought was his) along with a pair of dark gray sweatpants. Jungkook made no moves as he simply watched Jimin walk towards him with a sweet smile.

"Have you been waiting long?" Jimin asked as he neared and noticed Jungkook sitting on a couple of steps that led up to the warehouse.

"Hmm, been here since your party ended," Jungkook replied as he took a hold of Jimin's wrist and pulled him into his lap so that the elder's back was against his chest. Jungkook rested his head against Jimin's left shoulder and pulled him as close as possible. His strong arms wrapping around Jimin's torso, holding him to him and preventing any attempts of escape.

"Wow, that's a while. What have you been doing in that whole time?" Jimin asked curiously as he melted into Jungkook's arms and stared out at the river, taking in all the twinkling lights of the city.

"Thinking," Jungkook answered softly.

"What about?" Jimin asked.

"Lots of things," Jungkook answered dodging the question.

"What kind of lots of things?" Jimin persisted, turning his head slightly to try and look at the younger.

"Been thinking about the city... how complicated it is. Thought about how life was even more complicated... but mostly I've been thinking about you... and me."

"Hmm... what about us?"

"... mostly our relationship or maybe... lack of one."

"Kookie..."

"No, please don't say anything. I know Jimin... I know you love me. And I love you..."

"But?" Jimin prompted knowing there was more.

"But... I keep thinking about the things I can't do with you. How I can't hold your hand in public. How I wasn't able to kiss you on the dancefloor. Little things like that."

"But you have me now? Isn't that enough?"

"Sometimes it is... but lately, it isn't," Jungkook admitted honestly. There was a moment of silence before Jimin forced Jungkook to let him turn around so that the elder was straddling him. Jimin looked deep into his eyes as he asked, "What do you intend to do about it?"

Jungkook stared back at him silently. He didn't know yet. He'd been trying to figure it out while he was waiting, but no answer had come to him. The two kept staring at one another in silence for a whole minute.

"What do you want, Jungkook?" Jimin asked softly after the silence felt like it drew on for too long.

"You," Jungkook answered immediately.

"You already have me Jungkook. I'm yours."

"Yet you're not."

"I've only ever really loved you."

"Yet you're still engaged to someone else... I'm in love with someone I can't have."

"You have me."

"Only when we're away from everyone else. Only when no one's there to see. Whenever we're alone you might be mine, but every other time and in the eyes of the public you're not mine," Jungkook said as he traced circles along Jimin's hips with his thumbs and finally looked away from Jimin's imploring eyes. This was not how Jungkook had imagined the night going. He had thought he'd keep those thoughts locked up for at least a while longer because he wasn't ready to lose Jimin yet. But something about tonight and all the thinking he'd done had caused him to stop thinking about the consequences and just tell Jimin what he felt.

Another heavy silence fell over them. Jungkook didn't dare look up to see what kind of face Jimin was making, he was too afraid of what he'd see. Jimin remained unmoving in his lap, not saying anything or making any effort to leave him yet.

"Jimin?" Jungkook whispered still rubbing the skin along Jimin's hips. "What would you say if I asked you to run away with me?"

There. He'd went and said it. He'd asked the question he'd been dreading to ask for so long. And now began the frightening wait for an answer. Jimin didn't answer right away, and Jungkook hadn't expected him to. But as the seconds ticked by, Jungkook grew more and more worried and wanted to take back his words.

"If... if you asked me that... I'd have to say no," Jimin finally answered after what felt like hours but in reality was probably only a minute. Jungkook looked up at him, eyes wide and sad. He had been expecting it but still... it hurt.

"W-why?" Jungkook asked wanting an explanation.

"I... I can't give up my life just like that Jungkook... I don't think we'd survive on our own... What kind of life would we have if we ran away?"

"One where we're together."

"Being together and miserable isn't worth it."

"Who says we'd be miserable?"

"Jungkook... we're both used to a life of luxury. If we ran away and gave all that up, what happens? What would we do to live?"

"We'd both get jobs. I-I'm sure we could make it work."

"How? You're barely out of high school, and I'm only in my second year of college. Neither of us is in the position to get a well-paying job especially without our parent's help."

Jungkook was silent for a moment before he reluctantly looking away. "I-it would be hard at first... but I'm sure it would be worth it... Don't you want to be with me?" Jungkook asked his voice laced with sadness.

Jimin placed his hands on Jungkook's cheeks and lifted his face up so they were looking at one another again. Jimin's eyes displayed a plethora of emotions, sadness, guilt, disappointment, and regret.

"I do Jungkook. I want to be with you... but at the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready to give up everything... Are you even sure you're ready for that?" Jimin asked.

"I am. I know I'm ready to give up the world just for you. I'd give anything to be with you." Jungkook admitted and felt his heart break when he saw the look of surprise on Jimin's face. How could elder not know? How could the elder not realize how much he meant to Jungkook?

"You love me that much?" Jimin asked his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes," Jungkook answered.

At that Jimin went silent. He let go of Jungkook's face and looked down at his own lap unable to look at the younger any longer. Another silence engulfed them, this one tense and sad. It was in that silence that Jungkook realized he'd lost. Jimin didn't want to give up the world for him.

"I'm sorry Jungkook," Jimin said after a while as he removed himself from Jungkook's lap. Jungkook let him go knowing he wouldn't be able to stop him now, not after everything he admitted.

* * * *

A week had gone by since Jungkook had last seen Jimin. He missed him dearly, he wanted to call him and tell him he took back all the things he said that day. He wanted to beg him to come back, but he didn't dare make any contact. It was over between them, what little they had was over and it was killing Jungkook inside.

His days had become meaningless and he was simply going through the motions, his nights were spent crying and wishing he hadn't been so reckless. He should have known better, he'd always gotten the feeling Jimin wasn't ready for his honest confessions, so why had he been so stupid to say and ask those things? The feelings of regret were so intense at times he physically felt like he couldn't breathe or move.

He wanted to be mad at Jimin, he wanted to hate the elder for not loving him as much as he had loved the shorter male. But he couldn't, he couldn't hate Jimin no matter how much his heart hurt. Still, he avoided listening to anything related to Jimin, avoided the places he knew Jimin frequented, avoided anything and everything that reminded him of Jimin, though it didn't do much to help.

After another couple of days had passed, Jungkook got a message from Jimin. The elder had asked him to meet him at their usual spot at midnight. Jungkook didn't respond to the text, he didn't know what Jimin wanted, and he wasn't even sure he was ready to see the elder. He bided his time with useless tasks while trying to keep his mind off of Jimin. But as the time drew closer and closer to midnight, he couldn't stop himself from going to the warehouse by the Han river. As usual, Jimin's wishes ended up being his commands.

He arrived approximately fifteen minutes before midnight, but when he got there Jimin was already waiting. Jimin was looking out at the Han River and city lights beyond the shore just as Jungkook had been doing only twelve days ago. Jungkook slowly went up to Jimin and silently took a seat beside him. He watched the river while waiting for the other to speak.

"It's pretty outside today," Jimin finally said.

"Hmm," Jungkook hummed acknowledging what the other said. Silence fell over them yet again. Jungkook waited for Jimin to speak again but after a minute had gone by, he couldn't bear the silence any longer.

"Why'd you ask me to come here Jimin?" Jungkook asked.

Jimin hesitated a moment before sighing and turning to look at Jungkook who was already looking at him. "I missed you," Jimin began looking away quickly before returning his gaze to Jungkook's eyes, this time with a steel determination shining in them.

"I couldn't stop thinking about the things you said. I tried to stop thinking about you, I engrossed myself in the company business, spent time with my family and friends, I tried spending time with my fiancé but... nothing helped in keeping you off my mind. No matter where I was or what time of day or night it was, my thoughts always drifted to you," Jimin admitted.

"And?" Jungkook prompted wanting to know what the other was trying to say by admitting that.

"And... I realized I can't live without you... I thought I wanted the safety of my family even if it meant I couldn't have you but... I have to be honest with myself. That's not what I really want. What I really want and have always wanted was you," Jimin said taking a hold of Jungkook's hand and squeezing it tightly while looking down. Jungkook realized that Jimin couldn't meet his eyes, the elder probably thought Jungkook would reject him just as Jimin had done only a little over a week ago.

But Jungkook could never reject Jimin. Jimin could tear his heart open over and over again, but Jungkook wouldn't ever want to let the elder go. "Does that mean you're ready to run away with me?" Jungkook asked. Jimin looked up and without any hesitation this time, and nodded.

"I'll go anywhere with you. I'll follow to the ends of the earth if it means we'll be together," Jimin said. Jungkook decided to kiss him in response. Jungkook could feel his heart repair itself, he was happy again. Jimin had chosen him in the end, just as he'd always hoped.


	6. Why Do I Try?

_** Why Do I Try? ** _

[Let You Down by NF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrVNAq7nSTQ) (watch if you want)

For [@Michelle](http://www.quotev.com/Michelle2604/messages?c=64035440)

You walked up the stairs to your childhood home. Standing in front of the maple-colored door, you sighed and looked up at the sky and dark clouds looming over your head. The brewing storm reflected your emotional state rather well and you half-wondered if that was possibly more than a coincidence, maybe a sign? Lowering your head and closing your eyes, you breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly reminding yourself it was going to be fine. You'd just see how your father was doing, stay for dinner if he asked, and then be on your way. Nothing more, nothing less.

You could do this, you said you yourself as you lifted your head and square your shoulders. With one last inhale you rang the doorbell and waited.

It didn't take long for the housekeeper to open the door and let you in. You smiled at her as she took your coat and placed it on the rack before leading you deeper into the large house, heading towards the living room. As you walked your mind kept reminiscing about all the things that had happened in that house. You remembered yourself as a little kid standing in the foyer dripping wet, thanks to the unexpected rain. You recalled the severe scolding you received though it wasn't really your fault. As you walked past the dining room you remembered all the silent and lonely meals you'd had to eat. All the times you'd been forced to eat things you hadn't even liked. Passing the huge dance hall, you remembered all the extravagant parties your father would throw and make you attend. Wearing fancy clothing that was far from comfortable and much too showy. You remembered the dancing and how painful they were and tired you'd get from it. As you passed the winding staircase that led up the second floor, you remembered the countless times you'd be locked in your room as punishment for 'misbehaving'.

Finally, you reached the living room. It was still the same as you remembered it. The furniture was still the lavish antiques worth millions of dollars, the chandelier still shone brightly above the grand coffee table and sofas. The only change was the large family portrait that hung above the fireplace was gone. Now it was replaced with a TV. You scoffed to yourself when you noticed it. Of course, your father would buy a TV once you left. You recalled the few times you'd asked for a TV when they were still a new thing but of course you'd always been refused.

_"You don't have time to watch nonsense on a box when there are so many improvements that could be made to your studies,"_ was always the answer.

"Please have a seat, Miss/Sir. Your father will arrive shortly," the housekeeper said before bowing and walking away. You took a seat as you tried to quell the irritation stirring inside of you. You questioned why you were here again as you waited. But you knew the answer very well. You were there because you'd received news that your father was ill.

_"It's been three years, Y/N. I think a visit is well overdue by now," your father's doctor said into the phone._

_"I'm busy," you'd claimed._

_"Busy with what, exactly? How can you be so busy that you can't even visit your ailing father?"_

_"I have a new book coming out soon, I need to work on promotional material for it."_

_"That can wait. I know you and your father never had the best relationship, but I think you should really visit him, Y/N... I don't know if he talks to you about his health at all during your phone calls, but it's declining at a rapid rate."_

_"What do you mean by that? He sounded fine when I talked to him only last week."_

_"Cognitively, he's fine I suppose, but physically, he's worsening. Pretty soon he might be bedridden."_

_"...Are you trying to tell me he might die soon?"_

_"It's a possibility," the doctor answered, his voice serious._

_"How- Ok, I'll visit him," You relented._

_"Good, it might help raise his spirits to see you."_

_"I doubt that."_

_"You father does love you, Y/N. Whether you see it or not, it is true," the doctor assured you. You decided not to argue though you were convinced he was wrong._

"Y/N," you heard your father's voice come from behind you pulling you out of your thoughts. You turned slightly to see him standing near the archway that led from the living room to the corridor. You stood up and bowed in greeting. As soon as you had, you heard him tsk.

"Your posture has gotten much worse since I last saw you," your father related. You bit your lip to keep from retorting as you raised from the bow.

"It's nice to see you again, father," you answered instead.

Your father scoffed at that answer. "I wish I could say the same," came his retort. He looked you up and down as he took a seat in the single seater sofa across from you. Once he was seated you sat as well.

"So why are you here? Wait, let me guess, you finally realized what stupidity it was to run away and become a writer? Now you're back here to beg for my forgiveness right?" he continued pompously.

You bit your tongue so you didn't start yelling about how that wasn't the case at all, about how you were doing just fine on your own, doing great even. After all, you were now a famous novelist. The only reason your father probably didn't know that was because you wrote under a pen name. Not that it mattered. Even if he knew, he would probably never read a single thing you wrote.

"That's not why I'm here, father. I came to see how you were doing. I heard you'd fallen ill," you answered, remaining respectful despite the anger and disappointment ringing through your blood.

"Did my doctor tell you that?" your father asked and you nodded.

"That fool wouldn't know the difference between the epitome of health and a person dying from a heart attack. I'm just fine so there was no need to come if that was your reason," your father said dismissively.

"That's good to know," you said voice a little strained.

"Hmm," your father hummed and then silence fell over the two of you.

You observed your father for a bit trying to see if the doctor was lying. Your father looked fine to you, he might look a little older and had more white hair now, his face had more lines on it, but that was all normal. Those things came with age after all and it had been three years. You hadn't noticed in gross defects, no coughing, no droopy eyes, no trouble walking, nothing indicating he was rapidly deteriorating. The only thing you noticed was a tiredness in his eyes.

"Well, I should go now. All I came to check up on was your health," you said, lifting from your seat. You really had no other business there and you didn't like the silence that had extended over the two of you.

"You will stay for dinner," your father said not posing it as a question but rather a command.

"You don't need to trouble your servants with that. I've done what I came to do, and there's nothing else left for me to do so I should just be on my way and not impose any longer."

"Y/N."

"Yes, father?"

"You will  _stay_  for dinner."

"Alright, father," you replied taking your seat again. Your father had used  _that_ tone, the one that left no room for argument. It didn't matter that you were a grown adult now, you were still afraid of him when he used that voice.

"Good," your father said. After a heavy pause, he continued, "Tell me how things have been since you left."

"They've been ok," you answered, looking at your lap where you had your hands crossed in your lap.

"Is that so? How have you been managing then?"

"I have a job that pays well."

"What job might that be?"

"Writing."

"So you've managed to publish something after all?"

"Yes."

"Just one book?" your father persisted in keeping the conversation going.

"No. I've had five published so far. Working on a sixth now," you answered looking up to see what kind of reaction he'd give you. But your father remained unimpressed and impassive.

"Are they successful?" he asked as a servant came into the living room with tea. She served one to your father and then you, to which you smiled and thanked her.

"Thanking servants now? How low you've fallen," your father scoffed offhandedly as the servant left the room.

"There's nothing wrong with thanking someone," you argued not being able to stop yourself anymore.

"That's the way the poor thinks."

"Then I guess I'm poor."

"You wouldn't be if you'd just listened and done what I told you to do!" your father said loudly in anger.

"I have no problem with where I am in life right now," you responded looking at him defiantly. There was another pregnant silence between the two of you.

"You would have been much happier if you'd stayed, taken over the company, and gotten married to Mr. Wilson's heir."

"How would you know that? I just told you I'm happy with my life right now. I have a job I enjoy and am seeing someone who I love and who loves me. If things go right, we'll be married by the end of this year."

"You're seeing someone?" your father asked in surprised.

"...Yes," you answered reluctantly after realizing what you'd said in your defense. Originally you'd hoped to avoid talking about C/N with your father. He definitely wouldn't approve of them.

"Who is this person you are seeing?"

"His/her name is C/N."

"And what does this C/N do? I've never heard of him/her."

"That's not a surprise. He/She isn't someone you'd associate with."

"What do you mean?"

"C/N is a dancer," you answered looking up from your tea.

Your father's face was one of pure shock which soon morphed into outrage.

"A dancer?!" he exclaimed and you nodded knowing full well this was the worst thing you could have done in his books. You never understood his vendetta against dancers and entertainers in general but he considered them low and someone the rich should never form relationships with.

"You will stop seeing this boy/girl immediately!" your father said, anger seeping into his voice.

You simply shook your head. "I don't plan to stop."

"Y/N, this is outrageous. A dancer of  _all_  things! You can not expect me to accept this."

"I am not looking for your acceptance," you mumbled.

"This rebelliousness has gone far enough. As your father, I am forbidding you to see them," your father said, authority in his voice.

"With all due respect, you can no longer tell me what to do with my life," you responded looking him straight in the eyes, indicating how serious you were.

"If you continue to see him/her, I will hereby disown you. I will remove your name from my will and you will no longer be my child. This is crossing a line that I'm not willing to let you cross, so make your decision wisely," your father warned.

You continued looking at him, your shoulders tensed as you questioned why these words hurt so much. Maybe it was because your father refused to accept anything right now. He didn't like that you were trying to live your own life. He didn't like that you were trying to chase your own happiness. He didn't like that you were independent. He just didn't like that you had made your own decisions. Every decision you'd made had been a mistake to him ever since you could remember. You still remembered how you'd seek his approval as a child and how you'd never get it. As you grew and constantly saw the only repeating disappointment in his eyes you'd slowly given up and just done what you wanted when you could. Then things had become too much and you'd run away to do your own thing. It was at that point you'd accepted you'd never be what he wanted you to be.

Now... Now it was your final chance in a way. You could listen and maybe  _just maybe_  you'd receive his approval, but... did you even want it now? You were happy, weren't you? You'd been happy while you were away. You'd dreaded coming today. Wasn't that indication enough?

You square your shoulders and with a steady voice said, "I'm not going to stop seeing C/N."

"Get out. Don't come back. You're dead to me," your father said raising from his seat and pointing towards the living room exit. You stood and walked towards the exit.

"You've always been a disappointment," you heard your father say as you reached the living room archway.

You took in a deep breath and said, "Goodbye father. Sorry, I'm such a disappointment."

But you really weren't. You had come to the realization that sometimes you just couldn't be what your parents wanted you to be. Sometimes, your ideals and the ones your parents held wouldn't match up. Sometimes the differences would be too much and you'd have to go your own way. And that's what you were doing for a while. You'd been going your own way and you'd found yourself. There was no point dwelling on the disappointment your father was feeling for you, because you are were doing what was best for you. You were sorry you and your father would never get along, but this was for the best. You needed to remain true to yourself.

You didn't need his approval anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~A/N: Hope you like it!


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